What a fucking waste of an outfit
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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