i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize