the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
