In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
