Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
