Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
