Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
