singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
