I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
