I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
