I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
