I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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