Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
