god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
