Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
