Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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