you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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