Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
