The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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