the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
