OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
