like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Even my vagina gasped.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
