i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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