In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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