barbara walters just said penis...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
