Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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