oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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