Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want nice things and good sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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