Umm I'm too high to move.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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