I just threw up on my dentist
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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