Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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