ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
