I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
