no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
