I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
