I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
