She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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