His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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