Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
