So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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