I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
