you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
