It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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