So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
