just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
