you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
