Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
