Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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