I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize