it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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