so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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