Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize