I think my vagina is haunted
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
