she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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