we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
