I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Of course I have a pirate flag
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize