There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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