i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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