I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
