whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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