I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
