Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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