she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
