apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
