If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
