I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
