just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
