Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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